Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
