Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
