whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
