You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
