bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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