they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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