also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
