Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
