babies were throwing up all over the place
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
