i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
