Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
