Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
