where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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