Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
