Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
