Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
