If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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