my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
