Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
