But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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