im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
