i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
