apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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