what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We had to coat check the pizza.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
