so let's talk penis.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
