I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
