the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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