For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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