Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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