everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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