you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
