I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
