Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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