Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
