I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
