Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
