In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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