Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
