I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
