that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
