Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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