so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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