so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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