Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
