Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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