that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
