Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
