I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
