i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
