I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
