Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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